Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Another Angsty Post

I want to write something, but yet another post about the despair of unrequited love is boring, and not to mention pathetic. If someone were to ask me if I'm sad, I'll say no. If someone were to ask if I'm angry, I'll say no too. I guess emptiness isn't a feeling, because its impossible to describe.

November is a crazy month. I'm super duper extremely excited that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I is coming out next Wednesday! Then on Friday we're passing up Unit 2 and 4 Literature courseworks, and I'm taking my LNAT on the same day. Then on the 27th I have IELTS, and the week after that, mock exams (this could actually be earlier, depending on how cruel my lecturers are). It's insanity on a whole new level. I shall state once again that I can't freaking wait to be done with A-Levels! THERE IS A PILE OF STORYBOOKS STARING AT ME FROM MY BOOKSHELF, WAITING TO BE READ!!

Sorry. I had to do that.

I watched Life As We Know It with Belle last Friday, and it was surprisingly good. The jokes were funny and the storyline wasn't that typical, though it had a sickly-sweet happy ending and impossibly good-looking people. Whattaheck. It's not a movie if it doesn't have those things, right? It was a good day anyway :)

I've gained so much weight I feel like fasting for three months. It's funny how some people are extremely direct in commenting about my fat self. I get remarks ranging from - "Eh awak ni kena diet lah! Apesal tembam sangat? - to "Eh mane ade gemuk lah..you're just right!" The sad part is, I believe the first remark more than the second. It's unfair isn't it, how some people can eat and eat and eat without even thinking (without exercising, mind you), and not gain any weight at all? And how I (who takes care to not eat junkfood, not to eat between meals), seem to gain that extra layer of fat after every plate of rice I consume. If I could have three wishes, I would definitely wish for the gift to eat as much as I want and not gain weight. I'm not kidding.

By the way, I don't believe in the whole "It's who you are on the INSIDE that matters." Who are you kidding? We're all human beings for God damn's sake. Of course the outside matters. Name me a guy, just ONE guy, who's considerably thin and good-looking, who has a chubby or fat girlfriend. If you do know of one, please please present this being to me because I know of none. I hate cliches. Especially ones that tell you "the outside doesn't matter" and all that crap. It's just not true. People will always judge you on how you look. It's the way the world works.

Yes, you might think I sound bitter and disillusioned. Yes, perhaps I am. It's hard not to be when the person who's everything to you sees everything in a girl significantly thinner and prettier than you. It's painful, but you've gotta take it, right?

It's not like you have a choice.

You never have a choice.


Jonathan said...

I actually do know a guy who is dating a plumpish girl,and I know plenty of chubby guys with 'hot' girlfriends. Of course looks matter, but it's not the only thing that matters and you know that. Now heartbreak and unrequited love is terrible, but it happens to everyone, regardless of how you look. Sometimes the person you want doesn't return your feelings not because you aren't pretty or thin enough but because it's just not meant to be. And if the reason he doesn't like you is merely because of physical appearances,then he isn't worth it anyway. So keep your chin up, you'll get past this =)

Aira Nur Ariana said...

Thank you, jon :) I guess the post came out angrier than it should've been. I'm better now,especially after your encouraging words :) I will get past this :)