I miss the company of good friends so much. How do people find friends so easily? I look upon many people around me with a slight envy, as they have someone who will always be there for them, listen to them and understand them. Am I weird or something? Am I too guarded? Or am I just too selfish?
Yes, selfishness is one of my biggest flaws. I love with the expectation of being loved in return. And when that doesn't happen (it never does), I get bitter and either a) look down upon myself and think of myself as being inadequate; or b) I keep thinking how the girl that he is in love with is undeserving of his love, and that I can love him better. I am so selfish. But as selfish as I am, don't lie to yourself and say that you've never felt the same way. Because I believe that we all feel like that at some point in our lives. What makes it easier is when you have someone who understands how you feel exactly. But not all of us have that luxury.
It's not like I can't love or that I don't care about anyone. I care about some people so much, they don't even know it. But the problem with me is, I keep wondering whether they care about me too. And somehow I always come to the conclusion that they don't. And at the end of the day, I conclude that the only people who will ever return my love, unconditionally, is family.
But being human, you would be lying if you said that a family's love is enough. It would be, if only you could limit yourself to only loving them, but the problem is, you can't. You can't help looking up to other people too, caring about them, loving them. But at the end of the day, there is almost no guarantee that they would feel the same about you, let alone love you unconditionally and eternally, like how your parents love you.
So, the question I always ask is, why are we given this ability to love those who don't love us back? It's a selfish question, I know, but think about it. Some people I know laugh at that guy who goes to such great lengths in order to win a girl's heart, a girl who doesn't even give a damn about him, who thinks of him as less than a friend. I say don't laugh at him. His intentions are good and you just don't know how to appreciate it.
In the end, I know I need to find a way out of this selfishness, whether I like it or not. But I just need to know how. And if you asked me what is the best feeling in the world, I'd say it is to love and to be loved in return.
I miss you, all of you.