Saturday, May 29, 2010

Shadows From The Past

Sometimes, I can't help but think about how my life would have turned out to be if I didn't turn my back on three things:

1. Kolej Tuanku Ja'afar
2. Tunku Kurshiah College
3. International Islamic University of Malaysia

Quite a few people know about how I left TKC and rejected my offer from IIUM, but not many know about KTJ. After my PMR trials in 2006, my parents saw an ad in the paper regarding KTJ offering a post-PMR scholarship to study there. They thought it would be a good idea for me to apply, and so I did. I went for the interview, which was held in KTJ itself, which was all the way in Mantin. I remembered the Mat Salleh principal interviewing me, as well as the vice-principal. I honestly did not know how well I did, and I thought that I wouldn't stand a chance since so many other brilliant students would have applied too. I really enjoyed the campus tour. They brought us around the school, showed us the dining hall, classrooms and dorms. Honestly, I thought it looked so beautiful. It had the whole 'English boarding school' feel to it, and the dorms were the coolest part. If I had joined, I would be in Form 4, which means I'll be a senior. And if I am not mistaken, seniors get to share a dorm with only 3 other people. The dorms looked very homey as the students were allowed to use their own bedsheets, bring their own bantal busuks and teddy bears and stuff. It was cool. Really.

And so about 2 weeks after that, they sent me a letter saying that I got the scholarship. I got it. But there was a catch. It wasn't a full scholarship (even if it was full, it would have covered tuition fees only), but only a half scholarship. Until today I have no idea why they did that, but my parents did the math and decided that they might as well keep the money for my university education instead. The half scholarship barely covered anything. And so..I didn't go to KTJ. KTJ, probably the most exclusive (and expensive) boarding school in Malaysia. At the time, I didn't feel too sad about it, maybe because I was happy that I wouldn't be missing my friends in Melawati. Not that I regret it now, but sometimes I can help thinking how I would've turned out if I did go. Maybe I would have been exposed to MUN much much earlier. Maybe I would continue on until my A-Levels, and I would not be in HELP like now. Hmmm.

As for TKC..well, my mum had her secondary education there too, and she is a member of the Old Girls' Association. Obviously TKC played a huge part in making her who she is today, because my parents have been encouraging me to go there ever since I was a little girl. My mum would tell me stories about her time there, and to me, it was almost confirmed that TKC would be my secondary school. Seriously.

When the time came, I got 5A's in my UPSR, and my mum sent in my application through the OGA. And yep, I got in. But after 3 months there, my parents insist that I come out and continue my education here in SMK Taman Melawati. I shall not go into details about why my parents insisted that I left, because I don't think that its really appropriate to be discussed here. But lets just say that if I had it my way, I could've stayed on in TKC for all 5 years. But my parents knew better, I guess. Probably I do feel a tinge of regret in the sense that my chances of obtaining a government scholarship would have been so much higher if I stayed on there. But other than that, I guess I have no regrets. Melawati did me good, and the people I met there left a huge impact on me until today.

As for IIUM, it was my first choice in my UPU application (I applied for Asasi Undang-undang), so naturally I was happy when I got it. I really was. I've stayed in the campus before, twice, and the atmosphere did attract me. Besides, the Law faculty is probably the most reputable in the country, next to Universiti Malaya's. But alas, when I got the offer, I still harboured intentions of studying overseas. My parents too. After finding out that JPA rejected my scholarship application, my mum gave me a choice between IIUM and doing my A-Levels in HELP or Taylor's. I thought about it long and hard and I decided that I wanted to pursue A-Levels. So with a heavy heart (I really mean that), I posted the offer package they sent to me back to them, thus turning my back on a perfectly good university offer. I really hope IIUM gave the offer to someone else who deserved it.

Looking back on all the choices I made, and seeing where I am today, I really don't think I have any regrets. Sure, it was hard to do what I did, I mean, who turns their backs on KTJ, TKC and IIUM? I remember when I just left TKC, people would say to me "You gila ke? Orang berebut-rebut nak masuk TKC tu, you keluar. Apa lah!". At that time, I did feel a bit stupid. Like, why did my parents take me out? I could have managed it, you know. But then, looking at things now, in a different perspective, I do feel that it was all for the best. God certainly had His plans for me.

If I went to KTJ or TKC, I wouldn't have met all the wonderful friends and teachers in Melawati. If I went to IIUM, I wouldn't have met all the brilliant people here in HELP, I probably would still not know the existence of MUN. So you know what, all those choices my parents and I made, were not bad after all. Sometimes you gotta go with your instincts, trust yourself a bit more, and have faith in God.

Hmmm. Actually I'm not really sure what the whole point of this post is. I guess I was having one of my 'reminiscing about the past' moments. Haha. Well, I don't have any papers next week. Though I should really take advantage of it and use the time to study my ass off. Right? :)

My previous post was so freaking depressing. But I really was so freaking depressed. I'm a lot better now though. Better as in I don't cry my eyes out every time I think about him anymore, and I don't walk around feeling like an empty shell anymore, but the pain is still there. Oh yes, its still there alright. Sigh.

Now that American Idol has ended (I don't care what you say, Lee DeWyze is one of my fav winners, ever!), I can't wait for the World Cup to start! I'll be rooting for Brazil, Spain and England! Huhu! And of course, like every other typical hormonal teenage girl in the world, I can't wait to see this hunk in action:

He has to be the handsomest footballer in the world right now, period. And he's got mad skills too! I love you, Kaka! :D

Take care, everyone!


Fendy Hasni said...

ha ha I like this post. well, sometimes things happen for a reason.

don't look back. just pursue the path that you have chosen. should be fine kot :-)

Aira Nur Ariana said...

aaaww thanks, fendy. its flattering that u read my blog, really :D