Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Should Not Be Writing This

No, I should not. Because I have coursework to do. But I have stuff to talk about, too. So coursework can wait (Are you kidding, Aira? Coursework cannot wait. Pffftt. You will SO regret this later).

HELPMUNC 2010 just ended last weekend. Three months of intense preparation, of literally living with those placards in my room, it all culminated in the span of three days. And it was all worth it, seeing everything come to life. Working together to put up such a prestigious event certainly made a huge impact on me, and I will never forget it, ever. Sure, it does get a bit frustrating when you know you played such a big part in making the conference happen, only to have people on the day referring to you as an 'admin' instead of 'Deputy Secretary General'. At times, I did feel so unappreciated that I asked myself, 'Why am I doing this?'. But then when I calm down and look back, I tell myself that if you have worked hard for something, you shouldn't need other people to make you feel good about it. Of course, a pat in the back would be really nice, but another thing I've learned from this is that you can never expect too much from people. The more you expect, the more you get frustrated. So just go with the flow and don't take things too seriously.

To Jonathan, James and all Secretariat members, though I doubt that any of you are reading this, I just wanted to say how blessed I am to have had the opportunity of working with you guys. I also want to apologize for all the times I was bitchy, bossy or rude. I love each and everyone of you and we do make an awesome team, don't we? :)

As for matters of the heart, as always, I'm going through that hopeless feeling where you just think about someone , knowing that they will never think about you. That feeling where you just know you can love that someone for exactly who he is, but you're not even considered as a friend to him. Why do I put myself through this? This pain..this seemingly endless cycle of sadness and frustration? I hate it so much. Sigh.

Anyhow, college life is catching up on me very fast. April is coming, which means that all the mock exams are coming, and I am still unprepared. I have such high ambitions but sometimes I question myself, am I really working as hard as I should towards those ambitions?

You better start working your ass off, Aira. Or you can kiss UCL goodbye.

p/s: I miss you so much, but you will never know.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Holes and Cracks

Its March already! Time seems to move faster than ever nowadays. And have you noticed how hot the weather is these days? I wonder how long this heat is gonna last, its getting quite unbearable actually.

So life has been...life. The semester is getting busier and busier each day, sometimes I cannot believe the amount of work I have to do, and even harder to imagine is how on earth am I gonna be able to do this. A warning to all you post-SPM people out there, A-Levels is NOT for the faint-hearted. Be warned.

HELP University College Model United Nations Conference is coming up at the end of this month, from the 26th - 28th of March. My days have been occupied with making placards, which is a very tiresome job indeed. And next comes the nametags, lanyards, gavels, food, trophies, certificates..and the list goes on. I just hope everything goes well in the end or all the hard work put in by the Secretariat would be in vain.

Been watching American Idol and I do agree with a lot of people that the talent isn't so WOW this year. Maybe they're all mourning the fact that its Simon's last season. Despite my constant irritation with the dude, I admit that I will miss his weird but hilarious comments on the contestants' performances. The guy sure has been to A LOT of weddings, theme parks, funerals and cruise ships.

Literature is probably the hardest subject I have, but class has never been more interesting. Ms. Sunita really comes up with thought-provoking ideas and comments that are just refreshing compared to the other more fact-based classes. That being said, I think coursework will start killing me soon. Sigh. Today's lesson was particularly interesting as we were talking about men and women and how differently they view things like love, relationships and sex (we were studying Shakespeare, so go figure). It was interesting as I have always believed how different it is for both genders, you know. Sometimes I think about what I look for in a guy and what the guys around me look for in a girl and I'm absolutely convinced that I will never get married. Which is not a bad thing, really.

Now this is getting too personal. But lets just say the events that led towards my last emotional post has convinced me even more that I would be better off without ever having another half in my life. You should never need someone else to make you feel whole, anyway. That's not how God made you to be. That's all just pure crap.

Now I sound like a typical tragic tortured teen with issues. Hmm, but so what if I am?